When is it time to let go of something you love?
If you’ve trained Brazilian Jiu Jitsu long enough, that question has probably crossed your mind—maybe more than once. In a sea of “never quit” motivation and grind culture, BJJ black belt Roy Dean offers something far more rare: perspective.

In his video titled “When Should You Quit Jiu Jitsu?”, Roy, a fourth-degree black belt with over 30 years of martial arts experience, breaks the silence on a topic most instructors avoid. He speaks not as a guru from a pedestal, but as someone who has been there—frustrated, worn out, and on the edge of walking away.

“I Almost Quit at Blue Belt.”

One of the most disarming moments in the video comes early, when Roy reflects on a time when he seriously considered quitting. He was a blue belt, not doing particularly well on the mats, and feeling stuck.

“I didn’t have enough strength and I didn’t have enough technique,” he admits. “I remember telling my coach Claudio França that I was going to quit for a year, lift weights, and come back stronger.”

It’s a relatable scenario. The classic “I’ll get in shape and then come back” story. But what his coach said next stuck with him for life:

“Claudio looked at me and said, ‘Roy, if you want to go lift weights and look good for girls, that’s fine. I support you. But if you want to learn how to fight, stay here.’”

That moment shifted everything. It reminded Roy what he truly wanted—not approval or aesthetics, but mastery. He stayed, and what followed became the foundation of a lifelong journey.

When the Art No Longer Serves You

Despite his love for the art, Roy is clear about one thing: there comes a time when it’s okay to walk away. Not out of frustration—but out of clarity.

“You should quit Jiu Jitsu when you feel the art does not serve you anymore,” he says plainly.

This isn’t an excuse to throw in the towel at the first sign of discomfort. Quite the opposite. Dean encourages people to push through the early turbulence, especially up to purple belt, which he considers a real milestone. It’s only after putting in that time that you can truly understand what the art gives—and what it takes.

“I urge you not to quit until purple belt,” he says. “If you make it there, you’ve experienced enough of the art to know what it can offer. Anything beyond that is about refinement, depth, and challenge.”

But when it stops bringing you value—when training becomes a source of pain, resentment, or even injury—it might be time to reassess. Roy recounts the story of a fellow black belt who recently stepped away from rolling altogether. Not out of weakness, but wisdom.

“He still teaches, he moves, he plays—but he doesn’t roll anymore. It just hurts his back too much. That’s a perfectly legitimate expression of the art at his stage in life.”

The Double-Edged Sword of Commitment

Dean warns that for all its power, Jiu Jitsu is also impersonal. The art doesn’t care about you. It doesn’t know how much you’ve sacrificed. It simply is—a dynamic system of movement, leverage, and pressure that will push you as far as you’re willing to go.

“You can throw your whole life into Jiu Jitsu and it will eat you up and spit you out—leave you injured, broken, and bitter.”

The key, he says, is balance. He acknowledges that BJJ has given him an extraordinary life: the ability to travel, build relationships, and maintain physical discipline into his 50s. But he draws a firm line.

“Never step over the line and serve the art exclusively. Be a well-balanced human—not just a Jiu Jitsu player.”

Don’t Confuse Frustration with Failure

Frustration is inevitable. Every grappler has stared at the ceiling after getting submitted for the tenth time in one round. But Roy cautions against interpreting that frustration as a sign to quit.

“The obstacle becomes the way,” he says, borrowing from stoic philosophy. “You have to experience failure to learn how to work around strength, speed, and power.”

In other words, the hard parts aren’t signs you’re doing something wrong. They’re signs you’re doing something real.

A Companion for Life—Or Just a Season

Perhaps the most moving part of Roy’s message is his reminder that it’s okay to step away—and to come back.

“Jiu Jitsu has been the one constant companion in my life. I’ve been through school, relationships, jobs… and Jiu Jitsu has always been there. But if it ever stopped serving me, I’d walk away. And you should too.”

He encourages practitioners to treat Jiu Jitsu like a relationship—nurture it, grow with it, but don’t let it define you.

Final Thoughts: Stay, Step Away, or Return on Your Own Terms

For many, quitting BJJ feels like failure. Roy Dean reframes it. He reminds us that real strength lies in knowing when something is right for you—and when it’s not. Whether you stay on the mats for a lifetime or take a step back, do it consciously.

“If it’s not serving you anymore, respectfully walk away. And if one day it calls you back, it’ll still be there.”

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