Brazilian jiu-jitsu is kind of an all consuming lifestyle. Having a significant other outside of it could present a serious challenge so why not try to put two and two together! Here are some useful tips on how to get a certain someone to give your favorite hobby a try:
Don’t be pushy. The more you push the less likely your significant other will be to buckle. The best thing you could do is occasionally gush about it and to let your other half see what kind of effect it has on you and your lifestyle. Actions speak louder than words, so if you are happy and even exhilarated odds are you’ll peak her interest.
Avoid mentioning it in a strictly bad context. While brazilian jiu-jitsu has definitive self defense applications you probably won’t get far with that kind of constant pestering. Think about it. Would you want your hobby (and/or your lifestyle) to revolve around avoiding a horrible things happening to you? Would you dedicate 6 hours a week to something that’s a mere means to avoiding a bad ending in a situation that might never happen to you? Self defense is not a lifestyle, it’s a 6 week course you hope you never get to use.
Why not quietly play a video of Royce facing a Sumo Wrestler? Or maybe Jiu-jitsu against the World? Or hey, how about a Jeff Glover match?
Suggest trying a female only class. The idea of being choked by a guy that probably eats your weight daily just to maintain muscle isn’t attractive to most women. Leveling the playing field could be the deciding straw. This is why many gyms offer female only classes. But this is a double edged sword – women often go harder against each other than against males. The reason for this is quite simple, once there’s a perception of a level playing field, people go all out on strength. Yes, even women.
Avoid providing incentives. Simple behavioral psychology suggests that offering a reward for something makes that activity somehow more pleasant. This is both true and false. While offering to “watch that stupid show one time if you try bjj” couldn’t hurt, you shouldn’t make it a habit. Why? Well it kills internal motivation for the activity so even if the SO enjoyed themselves they would be less likely to continue.
Jiu-jitsu is about community as much as it is about fighting. Try to include your partner when you socialize with your bjj friends but be conscious of the fact you’re utilizing a different language. Fifty minutes of talking about RNCs and DLR are enough to offset even someone who has an interest.
In the end, you should understand that some (men and) women find it unappealing. The grappling lifestyle isn’t for everyone, in spite of often being marketed as such. There’s logistics to consider and not everyone has the excess energy required for it. So be understanding and keep doing your thing.
