Guest post by Vladimir Popovic, black belt judo, black belt belt bjj, master degree in sport science and exercise. Strength and condition coach, specialty – martial arts.

Of course, this is satiric text, and you should take it as a joke. (although it has many useful informations 🙂 ). 

We are witnesses of many, many injuries everywhere around us. Just to know, there is about “little million” of studies how much is enough to exercise to create a good effects on health, how much is enough to get back from injury/surgery, how much you need for weight loss etc. but there is no study in the world that researches how much is enough to get injured! Yes, you read it good, how much do you need to get broken/injured. In order to do this research you should fiund at least 30 good athletes and train them until they get serious injured. The main object of this study would be to find what are the upper limits of you body/psyche before injury and when to stop, how much is enough for injury. Of course, this is impossible to do  because every study must have verified ETHICAL codex and standard, and this kind of research has not that at all. We will share with you some useful tips how to get injured, and we hope you will know how to use them.

-Make pause from training for a few months and then first class get into the fight with the strongest guy in the gym and do 110 % of your possibilities.

-Work every, every training maximum of yourself, like it’s last in your life, don’t make less intensity trainings. This is a great way to destroy your body through the time.

-Work every day in week sparrings and fights. Just don’t quit or make pause, it will pay in the end, injury will be yours.

-Don’t do the warm up, especially if you are a champion. Warming up is for beginners, right?

-When you have some smaller injury don’t cure it, continue to train, because rest is for pu**ies, right?

-Don’t use the gels and creams for warming muscles or joint supporters, they don’t need you.

-One of the most efficient way to get injured is definitely come TIRED to training and do the sparing. Don’t stay home if you are tired, and the even worse thing is to skip the sparings. This is probably NO1 way to earn a great injury. The more tired you are, the injury will be bigger

-Work with the biggest guy in gym, at least 30kg larger than you.

-Work with the new white belt with previous bodybuilding/cross fit experience and minimum 100kg of lean mass.

-Let the main base of your jiu jitsu be strength and brute force, not technique .

-Remember: EGO is your great friend for injuries. Don’t tap, it’s for chicks.

-Don’t make periodization in your training; do all in the same time, force, power, speed, aerobic and anaerobic endurance, explosivity, hypertrophy… Don’t listen to trainers of professors of sport, you know better than they do.

-Do the training of hypertrophy in morning and than in the evening don’t do the technique, but sparing for necessary

-If you want to break your knee(s) go to hard running in the morning and then with fatigue in legs do the sparing. If you don’t success in first time, repeat it few times more, it will work, for sure.

-Don’t learn from the experience of others that have injured, they know nothing, you are better that them

-Avoid trainings of proprioception, balance and injury prevention, it doesn’t need you

-Look to do some fancy, flying, forbidden techniques that your body never tried before

-Go study or work all day and the come with tired brain to the training and do sparings. If you fail first time, just be persistent

-After you finish training go the nearby McDonalds. Such healthy food is great way to recover your body for next training

-Avoid wellness, Spa, and recovery centers. People who work there don’t know anything about sport or body, right? And you have some better thing to do than taking care of your body…

-After training go to some local club and stay all night long, with the company of alcohol, cigarettes and drugs if you can.. Who cares for body recovery and melatonine…

If you have some useful tips on “hot to get injured” please share with us, we are very interested in your opinion 🙂