BJJ Cult Hero, Kurt Osiander Funniest Quotes!

BJJ Cult Hero, Kurt Osiander Funniest Quotes!

Kurt Osiander is a cult hero in the world of BJJ. He is an old school Ralph Gracie Black Belt with solid credentials and strong lineage. He is loved because he holds nothing back and always speaks his mind. He is also funny as hell and has crazy hair. That’s what we like about him. Here is a collection of his quotes from his various videos.

Kurt Osiander quotes

“I like to travel and meet people all over the world- and choke them”

About the 50/50 guard “If do it wrong, you’re getting f*cked. If you do it right, you’re doing the f*cking!”

“you f*cked up a long time ago” and “keep your a*s down, this is San Francisco”

“I have something to show you guys and don’t worry it’s not my d*ck”

“f*cking white belts…”

“f*ck berimbolos!”

“All white belts are f*cking Retarded Bro” (at seminar in NC he said this a white belt)….”You want me to beat your a*s on film?” (to kids playing loudly in the background)

“If you get caught in this position…Then you f*cked up…”

“Some people call it a baseball choke,but I f*ckING HATE BASEBALL!”

“i could choke a t-rex easy… have you seen his arms?”

“50/50 guard is for fagg*ts!”

Yells at a little kid, “Zeek!! You want me to beat you on film? No?? Then SHUT THE f*ck UP!”

“You have to have good base and posture. We’re in San Francisco. You know what happens to u when. You’re bent over like that”

“You cant do that, you’re gonna get choked the f*ck out”



“Go train”

“I’m gonna open my guard but i’m not gonna let my leg fall like this like i’m a prostitute”

(when someone is on your back) “Keep your hands and arms inside the f*cking ride at all times..”

“50/50 is half gay”

“….now your….triple  f*cked!”

“50/50 what’s that, half gay” “If do it wrong, you’re getting f*cked. If you do it right, you’re doing the f*cking!”

“I know it’s very fashionable now that everybody’s going upside down, berimbolo, inversions, spinning upside down, spin through the air…f*ck them.”

“Now go train”

“Eating meat gives me the power to kill!”

“you f*cked up along time ago..”

“It says you’re fat” as I stood on the scale”

“if you punch them in the stomach they will open their legs quicker than a prostit*te”

“I got, I got something to show you guys….It’s not my d*ck. New tattoo.”